After the fire...

So I'm standing in the smouldering ruins of the relationships I'd sort of formed with two people in the fanfic world, taking stock and seeing what I can salvage from this mess. 

I've learned some very important lessons from this, which I will share in general terms without naming names. 

Lesson one: I've been taught that drama is very common in Fanficland. This is important, because I never saw it as being a common thing. The minute you stand up to be counted in some way, however, such as starting a contest, awards program or archive site, you're going to find yourself in a minefield being sniped at from places you'd never expect. 

What I learned in correspondence lately is that yes, it's common, but you shouldn't take it all that seriously. I'm guilty as charged of taking it seriously. HOWEVER, that's the problem. Where do you draw the line on unacceptable behaviour? Because it doesn't get taken seriously, it doesn't seem to matter what some people do. If there are standards for writing, there should be standards for behaviour. I can't accept that they are separate, as others do. Is that my problem? Well, yes. 

Okay, fine, but coming from my background, letting people bash me because "It's not really bashing, it's something else that's quite harmless," is not on. I used to take it on the chin at work, but that's another story. When you're coming out of an abusive situation, getting into a new one is depressingly common - and often very hard to avoid.

Lesson two: Fighting back is what I've learned to do, but attempting to expose the bullies online often fails. In RL, it works a treat. All I have to do is walk in front of the boss's desk and stand there in silence while t'other one yells at me. End of problem. The reason it fails online is that it's easy to dismiss the printed word. It's harder to dismiss what you can see taking place in front of you.

And when someone's got a blind spot on the issue involved, don't bother to waste your time - just leave it altogether. They won't listen. Any attempts to make them listen are guaranteed to end in disaster.

Lesson three: This is VERY IMPORTANT: when you get a "hater," it's not the end of the world. I thought it was, to be honest, and it used to really bug me. I'm grateful to the sage who taught me that. What it is, there are people who get all emotional and throw a hissy fit, then get over it after a while. I can't be dealing with people like that, so I shut them out because they're trouble and it's hard to tell when they're going to go up like a Roman candle next, or what for. 

BUT they're not as much trouble as I tend to worry they are because their influence only extends so far. Someone well known in the Tolkien fandoms, for example, is likely to be unknown elsewhere. This is WHY it's not that big a deal. Besides, when they do their hysterical "Wendy is EEEEEVILLLLLL!!!!11one!!! eleven!!11!" thing, they may find they're not being taken seriously and may even be told to shut up. That's why most websites and forums have a strict "No drama" rule. Well, I'll be staying out of my usual haunts for a while until this calms down. It will calm down if there's nothing to feed it.  

That's all I have to say about this for the moment, but I AM very grateful to have learned these lessons. Without it, I'd be all stressed out instead of rolling my eyes and moving on.