King of the Hill

http://www.lotrfanshop.com/lotrshop/sideshowexcl.asp, with alteration by me.

Back when my troll problem was actually affecting me, I joined Halt Abuse. They offer emotional support and commonsense advice to people suffering from cyberbullying. Well something came up recently that reminded me of an incident that happened about two years ago.

This girl, Shannara, used to come to chat on my forum, and on one occasion she came to complain that she was being slandered and blamed for something she didn't do. Basically, her account had been hacked by trolls who guessed her password, and they went and posted obscenities on another forum in her name. I believed her at the time, and since my natural bias is to side with the underdog, I championed her cause. I permitted her to post on my forum, and told her to quit trying to convince the mod of the trolled forum to believe she was innocent.  

Well we chatted amiably enough for a while, then one day she sent me a private message in which she complained that she was being harassed on another forum, and taunted by the trolls who had accessed her old account. This is roughly what happened:

"They keep changing their pennames to confuse me when I go to fight with them," she declared.

"Why do you fight with them?" I asked. "That's what they want. It's like when we were kids and someone would grab your hat or bag and hold it just out of reach. I learned to walk away and not try to get it back off them. Sooner or later, they'd get bored and drop it, then I'd go and pick it up. When I stopped giving them the frantic reaction they craved, they quit teasing me because I gave them no entertainment."

"But they're saying stuff about me!" she complained. "And people are believing them."

"What sort of people believe people who hack other people's accounts, then brag about it?" I asked. "What does it mean if liars and idiots believe bad things about you? If you argue back, more idiots and liars will believe bad things about you. It'll fizzle out if you stop reacting to their baiting."

"It's easy for you to say," she argued, "you're not in this situation."

"I've been bullied all my life," I replied. "I'm always in that situation, but I've learned how to deal with it. The number one thing to remember is to refuse to give them the satisfaction of getting an reaction. If you just carry on like nothing's wrong, they'll give up, it'll fizzle out and be forgotten. Why do you worry about idiots not believing or respecting you? An idiot's opinion is worthless, so don't worry about what they think."

She conceded I was right, then went away. I heard little from her after that, but it came to my attention that she was associating with a group of trolls who went on to harass me for about two years. She never joined in with their abuse of myself, but she did egg on and take part in "spam raids" on other forums. She's a young mother in her twenties.

Photo by kjarrett on Flickr

As I've said before, trolls are of all ages and all walks of life. This girl is a troll. Well, she was. I think she's quit it now. The point is, I don't think trolls have a right to complain about harassment, particularly when they're in the middle of arguing on the forums they claim they're being harassed on and recruiting others to join them in their struggle to become Head Shrew, or whatever they're aiming for.

They're so flippin' manipulative they can draw other people into their arguments with others by squealing for sympathy, but my advice is to call it what it is and tell them off if they try to recruit you to help them drive another troll off the message board or forum where the alleged abuse is taking place. It ain't harassment if it's equal and going both ways. It is when it's one person being stalked or mobbed, and trying to ignore it.

Never allow yourself to be drawn into taking sides in someone else's arguments, or their problem will become your problem, and the whole thing will get out of control.